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As soon as I turned left, I bumped into someone.
“Ugh! Watch where you’re going, lad!” the old man told me.
“I apologize!” I said and quickly pulled him up.
He was past his 70s and wore a long white robe, which didn’t get dirty at all even after falling on the ground. To make things a bit weirder, he didn’t speak in Kalish, but in Shorayan.
“Hm? Are you…” the man stared at me for a moment “A cabbage?” and tilted his head to the right.
My eye twitched, and with a forced smile, I answered him “No. Do I look like a cabbage to you?”
“Good point!” he snapped his fingers.
Looking left and right to see if there was anyone around, he put his hand around my neck, and asked me “Do you want to see something nice, young man? Hehe.” he smiled like a pervert.
“It depends…” I squinted my eyes at him and wondered if I should simply run away.
“GOOD!” he slapped my back and despite my strength, I landed face first in the ground.
“Ugh!” I groaned.
Strong little old man… I thought as I got up.
“Come on, laddy! Don’t just stand there like an ol’ geezer!” he scolded me.
“Aren’t you the old geezer?” I asked as I walked up to him.
“Pathooi!” he spat. “Details!” he waved it off.
I squinted my eyes at him, but decided to follow him either way. What harm could it do?
“You remind of my old days, back when I could still charm a lady and not creep her out with me smile!” he said.
“Aren’t they a bit too young for you?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow.
“When you are a 78 years-old human hitting on a 348 years-old elf, it’s the other way around.” he smirked.
“True, but how old you look counts.” I nodded.
“Bah! Details! The true women don’t go for the looks, but the heart!” he smiled.
“Sounds like a fairy tale.” I told him.
“It depends.” he stopped and looked back at me “Maybe others just filled your head with the idea of a fairy tale when they themselves were too afraid to look at the real world. Pride, greed, and ego can be strong barriers when one is told to express himself.”
“I don’t understand.”
His words were rather confusing, I had to admit.
“There’s nothing to understand.” he shook his head “It’s simple.” he shrugged “The way someone grows up most of the times determines the fairy tales they have stuck between their ears. Instead of growing their own thoughts, they listen to the ideas of others and then fail to gaze upon the world they can build by themselves.” he smiled.
“You mean preconceptions? Fears? Stuff like that?” I asked him.
“It’s much easier to live in a world where you already know the rules then to try to test the world to write new ones… just for yourself.” he smirked.
I looked down for a moment as I thought about this. To be honest, I could believe these words, but I had no idea why he was telling me all of this.
“You still don’t understand?” he asked me.
“No…” I shook my head.
“This lad! This!” he said and then went behind an elf woman who was walking past by us and groped her breasts.
“Hey! What are you… Ahn~!” the woman collapsed on the ground with her cheeks red and shivering a bit.
“Boobies!” the old man smiled.
My train of thought just went… it broke.
“You youngsters don’t know the joys of fine breasts! If you did, you would understand what it means to properly grope them, to appease them, to massage them, and how to properly treat them.” he smirked and patted the woman’s head.
She glared at him and then slapped him as hard as she could.
The old man went flying into the sky and landed on a pile of garbage not that far away from me.
“Hmph! Perverts!” the woman stormed off, glaring at me.
“What just happened?” I asked myself as I looked back at the old man.
He was laughing.
“Oh yes, you must never do that to anyone else BUT your woman!” he pointed up at the sky.
“I’m just going to go now and pretend like this never happened. I don’t want to go to jail for being associated with you.” I nodded firmly and stepped away.
“Wait!” the old man grabbed my hand.
“What?” I asked looking back at him.
“Do an old man a favor and just listen, will you?” he smiled.
I squinted my eyes at him.
“Sigh…” and that was how I gave up without a fight.
“Good! Now, follow me!” he declared and began to walk.
He stopped after a few steps and took out a half-eaten fish from his robe. After tossing it back in the garbage pile, he continued to walk calmly. A bit wary, I followed him, but kept an open eye for guards. Who knew what this old pervert could lead me into?
At one point, he stopped and asked me “Do you know what’s better?”
“Erm… Pie?” I replied.
“That’s tasty, but no. I’m talking about breasts! Big or small? Round or mushy? Perky or droopy? So many variations! So many beautiful combinations!” he smiled.
“Why are you asking me this?” I squinted my eyes at him.
“Well, which do you prefer?” he asked me.
“Erm… no preference, I think.” I shrugged.
“You lie!” he pointed at me.
“How?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“No matter what, a man will ALWAYS have a preference! That exquisite masterpiece he wishes to hold between his fingers and then squeeze it or play with it! Big breasts have their charm, and it is said that small ones represent justice!” he smirked.
“How can… You don’t make any sense.” I told him.
Truth be told, I never did understand why people were going bananas over the size, shape, and everything else. True, I did prefer big breasts over small ones and from animes and manga, I knew there were many weird preferences out there, but to say I identified myself with one was a bit stretching it. Besides, I had two wives and an el’doraw. My three preferences were set in stone.
“I do, you are just a bit of a fool who doesn’t wish to recognize it! At least, you aren’t like other fools who fear to act…” he shrugged.
“You don’t know anything about me.” I squinted my eyes at him.
“Bah, who needs to? But come on, we’re not that far now!” he smirked.
I had a bad feeling about this.
We arrived at some back alley, where he climbed a big pile of garbage. My keen senses detected a lot of people behind the wall, mostly women. I gulped and followed him, raising my Magic Armor to the max so the filth didn’t touch me.
“Here! Here! But keep quiet!” he urged me.
“What?” I squinted my eyes at him and then looked at what he was pointing.
“It’s Heaven, I tell you! Heaven!” he said.
What we were looking at was a small window at the bathhouse. Before me laid a forest of gorgeous fruits just ripe to be plucked. Some were big, others were small, and the prunes were immediately deleted from my memory. Among them, I saw three voluptuous bodies soaked in water. Cheerful smiles were on their lips, and among all of them, they were the most beautiful of all the flowers there. As for their glorious mountains, I could only gulp and be forced to admire their serenity and divinity.
“Peeking at naked women is always the best! Hehehe!” the perverted old man said while wiping a trail of blood from his nose.
Indeed, we were currently peeking at the women in the bathhouse, and among them were Nanya, Shanteya, and Ayuseya. They were all beautiful, charming, and stunning. But out of all three of them, I only got to be invited to bed by Nanya.
“You know, a true gentleman never forces himself upon a lady, no matter how beautiful she is. However, if she tempts him, giggles at his touches, and embraces him when he is daring, only a fool would pull back from her and deny her pleasure.” said the old man.
“But only if the two love each other…” I added to his words.
“That’s why they have breasts, lad! If you give them a gentle grope, the woman will speak out her heart, and you will also know yours! Before you will proceed any further, you will know if she had conquered your heart!” he told me.
I shook my head at his nonsense “They have breasts because they need them to feed their babies. That’s basic biology.” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“They enchant the eyes, feed the young, temp the beast inside the man, and most importantly, they offer the feel of divinity to a woman as a whole!” he smiled and patted my back.
“True, but… That’s just perverted talk! In some places, it’s called sexual assault!” I shook my head.
“I stand my ground! Big or small, breasts are a divine treasure!” the old man laugh rather loudly.
“Illsy?” the voice that called felt oddly familiar.
When I turned my head, slowly, I saw Nanya standing on the other side of the window, covering her chest. I gulped.
“This is not what it looks like.” I told her.
“Mhm…” she smiled.
“Yup… I’m dead.” I nodded, and a single punch hit me in the face so hard, I flew out of town.
To be honest, I have no idea what happened to that old man, but I’m sure he managed to escape somehow. Old perverts have that sort of skill. [Old Senilus Perviticus Disappearicus]
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